Biggest Music Douches of 2013

biggest music douches of 2013

The music industry has a plethora of douche bags, but some truly stand out with their outrageous personalities. After doing some fine crowd-sourcing, we came up with a list of the biggest music douches of 2013. Yes, there’s plenty more names that should be on this list, but the five musicians below are the crème de la crème when it comes to acting like a douche bag. Who do you think were the biggest music douches of 2013? Let us know in a comment below.

1. KANYE WEST – Kanye has reigned king supreme douche for the past six years (if not more). Once upon a time in 2004 when The College Dropout was some amazing hip hop, young Kanye was actually a cool motherfucker. But somewhere between 808s & Heartbreak and this year’s Yeezus — Kanye has become one stanky ass douche bag. Quit comparing yourself to Jesus, no — you are definitley not the next Nelson Mandela, and your video for “Bound 2” is a fuckin’ joke; tacky and tasteless (just like the Christmas gift you gave Kim). From his pompous rants, to his cheesy songs and videos, the list is endless. We can write a book on why Kanye is the biggest music douche of 2013.

2. MILEY CYRUS – Hannah Montana has grown to become the queen of the douche-baguettes. Homegirl really needs to stop twerking with that boney ass turkey booty of hers. She’s doing it all wrong and is causing all her kiddie fans to ridiculously follow suit. As the New Orleans “Bounce Queen”, Big Fredia said, “Get me and Miley together so I could give her ass some lessons.” And what the hell is that tongue thing all about? She now has hordes of annoying teens sticking their tongues out in all their Instagram selfies and looking as lame as her. Please put that nasty tongue back in your mouth, nobody wants to see your stinky ass thrush problems.

3. Justin Bieber – Sure, the kid can dance and sing (even if his crappy pop tunes are made for pre-teens with no taste), but come on — quit with the retiring drama. We know he’s doing it all for press, however, if he truly did retire — it would make us all very happy. Furthermore, he spits on his fans, he pees where he shouldn’t, he’s late for his own shows, and what really bothers us is that Bieber is such a fuckin’ poser. You ain’t a thug so quit acting like one. All the black inked tattoos, saggy pants and shirtless selfies don’t make you a hard ass thug — however, you’re doing a great job at looking like a hot butchy lesbian.

4. Morrissey – Getting fat wasn’t the only thing that Morsey acquired with age. He also became quite the douche. Morrissey cancels tour dates and always has a new excuse for it — which some may say is a blessing in disguise since his performance has grown rather lackluster (barely one hour sets, one-song-encore) with no love for his adoring fans. Not to mention, certain details of his “humasexual” relationship were edited out of the U.S. version of his autobiography. The Pope of mope should just quit already instead of consistently disappointing.

5. Jack White – Yes, we love a lot of Jack White’s music and live shows, but it doesn’t change that he’s become a royal douche. First of all, get off your high horse and quit claiming that Dan Auerbach of the Black Keys is copying you. Court documents reported on White’s reasons for not wanting his kids to go to the same Nashville school as those of Auerbach. White said, “That’s a possible twelve fucking years I’m going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that asshole with other people trying to lump us in together. He gets yet another free reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world.” Really, Jack? Quit acting like a child with your immature “he’s copying me” drama (we know you’re just jealous of Auerbach’s bigger success). Both bands kicked off around the same time. The White Stripes went for more popular blues and rock sounds that were radio friendly as early as 2000, while the Black Keys stayed true to that gritty true blues sound up until 2008.

12 thoughts on “Biggest Music Douches of 2013

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  5. Val

    How is this article horrible bukkake? I love it. Grimey Good backed it all up with facts and good reasons. And in a comedic tone!

  6. Domanique

    Spot on! This made my laugh my ass off! And to the comment above me “Bukkake” WTF are you talking about? This blog post is GREAT! You’re probably just another jealous internet troll. LOOOOOOZER

  7. Bukkake

    Horribly written article. It comes off like an angry teen wrote it, which I hope did, because if you’re in your 30s throwing out immature insults to pop stars, you need to reevaluate your career.

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