There are dos and don’ts with any dating scenario. Like don’t talk about your ex on the first date or do show up on time. With Tinder, a fairly new dating app that is akin to speed dating but without the talking, there seem to be a lot of dudes that don’t know how to do it all. The following are some of our favorite (or least favorite, should we say) no-nos we see on this flash-in-the-pan (potential) love-finding app.
1. Your abs – Don’t care about ‘em. Don’t need to see ‘em. If you think a woman is going to pick you because you have Sports Illustrated abdominal muscles, you’re putting the wrong foot (muscle) forward. Abs have never been a deal breaker for a potential mate, and they never will be.
2. Cheesy modeling shots (especially when they are amateur) – We understand posting one pro modeling shot if you’re a signed Wilhelmina model and mention that in your profile (i.e. “Working model living the dream in LA,” or something to that effect). But if you have a Model Mayhem page and occasionally pose for your friend’s T-shirt company, we don’t want nor need to see that picture. Besides being obnoxious, something candid and kind will go a lot farther in winning our hearts. And if you’re an actor, same deal goes: we don’t want to see how you market yourself to agents and managers and casting directors…we want to see the REAL you.
3. Scenic shots – This is so self-explanatory, I loathe even putting it in this list. What in god’s name do you think we’re going to glean from your Yosemite picture or your Hawaiian wave shot or your Florida sunset snap? That you travel? Tinder is about finding someone you’re physically attracted to, first and foremost. Don’t pretend it’s not. If we think you’re hot, we’ll decide whether your adventures are worth hearing about or not at some future point in time.
P.s. LA dudes: If you put a picture up of your hike at Runyon Canyon, I will swipe left so fast and so hard I might drop my phone.
4. Your car – One word. DOUCHE. It can be the coolest car in the world, but unless it’s a spaceship that we can actually ride in, we don’t give a rat’s ass what you use to get from point A to point B.
5. Photos with another girl – Tinder is supposed to showcase YOU, not your exes or past hookups or best girlfriends. Even if the picture is of you and your sister, we don’t know that. If you’re posing with your arm around a female, any female, we automatically go into sleuth mode trying to guess who she might be and why she’s in a picture with you on an app where you’re trying to date other girls.
6. Optical illusions – Photos that do not look like you is the complete opposite of what Tinder is trying to do. In case you haven’t figured it out, Tinder is the virtual equivalent of going to a bar and hitting on someone you think is hot. If we don’t know what you look like and you turn out to look like something totally different when we finally meet, you’re not only wasting our time, but your wasting goddamn bandwidth being on the app. Get off! Old photos from 10 years ago, super-imposed/top-down angles/filtered/photos that make you appear super slim when you weigh 200+ pounds – you’re only setting yourself up for failure when we eventually meet in person.
7. Pussy-footing – Lastly, and this is not picture-related, if you’re a man and you make a match, don’t just wait around with your finger up your ass. Reach out to the girl! It shows you’re confident, seriously interested and chivalrous. If you don’t, we’ll assume you swiped right by mistake and will block you.
There are so many more we could choose, because let’s be honest, there are so many bad photos on Tinder. And actually, we welcome a hetero male to offer Tinder Don’ts for females as well, since we’re sure you have some gripes too.
“I’m just a normal (girl/guy)”
What the f#@k does that mean??
Thank you Valentina (I found this page as I was looking up why shots are often repeated with a rainbow effect on them – Instagram maybe?)
Either way – hugely useful to guys; could you perhaps publish one for women too? The self-help poster statements are bemusing, and photos of flowers, pets, children and sporting achievements aren’t hugely helpful either, group shots that are mostly hair are wonderful for other girls I’m sure – I just think ‘that’s a lot of hoovering if your friends drop by’.
Recent photos of face and body are all that’s needed (please not shoes!). T shirt and jeans is plenty – all ballgowns say is ‘look, I wore this dress once!’.
As for the written profile – Ghandi quotes belong to Ghandi – why not tell us something about yourself and what you like to do? It may help us break the ice if we can identify common ground up front..
Sounds difficult but if we’re trying to build a bridge towards the opposite sex, obvious conversation starters are a real help.
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I hear from women on Tinder all the time complaining about guys taking pics of themselves with tigers – but I also see an equal number of women with pics of themselves with a tiger! What’s with the damned tigers? Oh, and kissing dolphins. Really? What’s that all about?
I even saw a woman posing with a Ferarri – and in their profile complaining about the guys with the tigers. Hello?! It’s the same thing!
Otherwise the biggest bugbears are the same as listed – the whole point of Tinder – as opposed to the many other dating sites/apps out there – is to go with your immediate gut instinct based on looks alone. And yet so many women just refuse to show themselves – mostly pics of themselves with other people (we really don’t care enough to figure out which one you are), looking away, face not actually showing at all or half covered up. Seriously, if you’re so ashamed of yourself that you can’t show your face we don’t want to date you!
Jason – I agree with all your suggestions except “not here for a hookup.” Because so many guys on there are, and I’d rather eliminate them quickly, I felt I HAD to put that in my profile. And yes, if I met a guy in a bar I’d tell them the same thing, working it into the conversation somehow so he understands who I am and what I want.
Luce – Yep. Pretty much very similar things for women as well. But I’m not searching women, so I can’t write an article about that.
Great post. To be fair, girls are guilty of basically all these things too! Posing with another guy is pretty annoying, but another don’t that women tend to do more than men is posing with like 3 other girls in every shot! To me, shows lack of self-confidence, but also, is just plain confusing! Which one are you??
I was just here in the hopes of winning tickets nick cave but then I stumbled across this blog post. I can’t stand the guys that post photos of their chest or abs on Instagram. I’m not on tinder but I can imagine how douchey it is!!!
And we musn’t forget the gals that note they only want to date men with money. Yeah, they’re real winners … #SMH
yes, it all seems such common sense. Pretend you’re sitting in front of someone at a bar. I often have the discussion about why Tinder is better/worse then say, OKC – I like Tinder because you have a limited amount of text to display your personality. Blank profiles are lame and lazy. Also, believe it or not similar interests are a big deal – so take some time to like some bands or restaurants or bars on FB…
And, Marilyn Monroe “…you don’t deserve me at my best” and “living the dream” and “not here to hookup” should be put on a list of phrases not permitted haha. Seriously though, if someone asked you what you’re doing in (LA) – would you respond with any of those statements?
Pretty similar for women too, huh Jason? Thanks for your comment!
stop the “from above” selfies. don’t make me figure out which one you are in a group of smiling girls with sunglasses on…one body pic is appropriate…and appreciated…