Yesterday, as my husband and I were chillin’ on the couch after putting baby to sleep, he started scrolling through is phone and asked me, “Did the Coachella lineup get announced?” I without even a blink, shrugged my shoulders and replied, “I dunno, did it?”

As a music blogger (going on 11 years of Grimy Goods), I’m supposed to be on this shit, but you know what, I just don’t give two shits about Coachella. I used to love attending in 2005 – 2011, but anything after that became whatever for me. Even my staff doesn’t care to cover the festival. Besides, all the bands I care to see I see catch in Los Angeles at small club venues. Anyways, this post is not about why I don’t care about Coachella, it’s more so about my initial reaction to the lineup.

Since I do run this here L.A. music blog called Grimy Goods, I alway do my part as media and post the lineup and let my fellow music snobs have at it. This time around I had so many feels about the lineup, and here’s why:

Isn’t Idris Elba An Actor?

When I Finally took a look at the Coachella lineup (literally a couple hours ago a day after it was announced), I asked my husband (who has worked in film), “Isn’t Idris Elba an actor?” My husband replied, “Yeah, he’s a very prominent actor, but he does some music stuff too,” My husband then grabs his phone and plugs in some ooontz ooontz ooontz beats on our Sonos and yells “yo, this is Idris.”

Apparently the charming actor (who’s also quite easy on the eyes, and ears with that lovely English accent) can lay down some dope house. I gave him a listen and he took me back to my 90s club kid / rave days.

Who the fuck is BLACKPINK?

Okay, shame on me not knowing who’s BLACKPINK. I should know about any band this not on traditional mainstream radio. I immediately took to my Grimy Goods’ inbox (which is currently at 218,325 emails) and saw about 20 press releases. All were unread except for the earliest dating back to 2016 “YG ENTERTAINMENT ANNOUNCE NEW GROUP BLACKPINK — NEW SINGLES “WHISTLE” AND “BOOMBAYAH” OF DEBUT RELEASE OUT SQUARE ONE NOW.” I guess I must have scanned and listened to their singles and gave it a hard pass. I’m all about about women in music, but this is far from my style or the type of music we write about here on Grimy Goods. Despite pulling in over a combined 700,000 million views on the aforementioned singles alone, I prefer my music less “BOOMBAYAH” and more FUCKYAH … Not not into the whole Lou Pearlman-build-a-pop-band type of thing.

Hard Pass.

Wait, But Who the fuck is Gucci Gang?

So many silly rapper names these days, is this a new rapper? I take to YouTube and come up with a song from Lil Pump called “Gucci Gang.” That is all. By the way, who the fuck is Lil Pump? I’m sorry, but hip hop / rap got really shitty after the 90s and early 2000s, so excuse me if I don’t keep up with all these autotune lovers that all sound the same these days.

Further research shows that Gucci Gang might be a big ole typo from Coachella. According to Noisey, “the @coachella poster and website list the artist “Gucci Gang” with a picture of Gucci Mane and links to Gucci Mane’s social media.” However, now the image on Coachella’s website for Gucci Gang has been replaced by a split of Gucci Mane, Lil Pump and Smokepurpp. Super group all along? Or Super group to save face?

I dunno.

Don’t care.

Fine Print Looks Good

Most of my readers already know this, but if you’re one of those people who go to Coachella to sight celebrities, get shitfaced and have a foggy memory of the headliners — I hope you take the time to enlighten yourself and catch an act you’ve never heard of before. Preferably an early afternoon act that is listed in small print — the kind of annoying small print you have to squint your eyes just to read … that is where the old Coachella magic hides.

My recommends:

Little Simz
Steady Holiday
the Garden
Soulection
Las Robertas
Men I Trust
Shallou
Hurrray for the Riff Raff
the Frights
Yellow Days
Beach Fossils

A little higher / bigger print:

Khruangbin
SOFI TUKKER
Lizzo
Ty Segall & White Fence
Mac DeMarco
Christine and the Queens
Charlotte Gainsbourg
SOPHIE

Gaychella

I used to say the only thing that would get me back to Coachella is a performance by David Bowie. But sadly, that ain’t never gonna happen. RIP, my love.

But y’know what? I’m so all ’bout dat Gaychella. This would get me going.

this years lineup is incredible 🌴@coachella pic.twitter.com/3DawEUCR5r

— Daniel Preda (@MisterPreda) January 3, 2019

Tickets to Coachella are at an overpriced $429 for general admission weekend passed. Or you can cop some $999 make-you-feel-VIP weekend passes. I’m seriously shaking my head as I read this because the amount of money people spend on this weekend drives me insane. Oh, the places you can travel to with that cash … don’t even get me started.