There are dos and don’ts with any dating scenario. Like don’t talk about your ex on the first date or do show up on time. With Tinder, a fairly new dating app that is akin to speed dating but without the talking, there seem to be a lot of dudes that don’t know how to do it all. The following are some of our favorite (or least favorite, should we say) no-nos we see on this flash-in-the-pan (potential) love-finding app.
1. Your abs – Don’t care about ‘em. Don’t need to see ‘em. If you think a woman is going to pick you because you have Sports Illustrated abdominal muscles, you’re putting the wrong foot (muscle) forward. Abs have never been a deal breaker for a potential mate, and they never will be.
2. Cheesy modeling shots (especially when they are amateur) – We understand posting one pro modeling shot if you’re a signed Wilhelmina model and mention that in your profile (i.e. “Working model living the dream in LA,” or something to that effect). But if you have a Model Mayhem page and occasionally pose for your friend’s T-shirt company, we don’t want nor need to see that picture. Besides being obnoxious, something candid and kind will go a lot farther in winning our hearts. And if you’re an actor, same deal goes: we don’t want to see how you market yourself to agents and managers and casting directors…we want to see the REAL you.
3. Scenic shots – This is so self-explanatory, I loathe even putting it in this list. What in god’s name do you think we’re going to glean from your Yosemite picture or your Hawaiian wave shot or your Florida sunset snap? That you travel? Tinder is about finding someone you’re physically attracted to, first and foremost. Don’t pretend it’s not. If we think you’re hot, we’ll decide whether your adventures are worth hearing about or not at some future point in time.
P.s. LA dudes: If you put a picture up of your hike at Runyon Canyon, I will swipe left so fast and so hard I might drop my phone.
4. Your car – One word. DOUCHE. It can be the coolest car in the world, but unless it’s a spaceship that we can actually ride in, we don’t give a rat’s ass what you use to get from point A to point B.
5. Photos with another girl – Tinder is supposed to showcase YOU, not your exes or past hookups or best girlfriends. Even if the picture is of you and your sister, we don’t know that. If you’re posing with your arm around a female, any female, we automatically go into sleuth mode trying to guess who she might be and why she’s in a picture with you on an app where you’re trying to date other girls.
6. Optical illusions – Photos that do not look like you is the complete opposite of what Tinder is trying to do. In case you haven’t figured it out, Tinder is the virtual equivalent of going to a bar and hitting on someone you think is hot. If we don’t know what you look like and you turn out to look like something totally different when we finally meet, you’re not only wasting our time, but your wasting goddamn bandwidth being on the app. Get off! Old photos from 10 years ago, super-imposed/top-down angles/filtered/photos that make you appear super slim when you weigh 200+ pounds – you’re only setting yourself up for failure when we eventually meet in person.
7. Pussy-footing – Lastly, and this is not picture-related, if you’re a man and you make a match, don’t just wait around with your finger up your ass. Reach out to the girl! It shows you’re confident, seriously interested and chivalrous. If you don’t, we’ll assume you swiped right by mistake and will block you.
There are so many more we could choose, because let’s be honest, there are so many bad photos on Tinder. And actually, we welcome a hetero male to offer Tinder Don’ts for females as well, since we’re sure you have some gripes too.
