In the five years that Grimy Goods has existed, we’ve covered many festivals across the map. We’ve seen some unforgettable performances and we’ve also seen some unforgettable festival attendees gone bad. Whether you’re a Coachella newbie or a Coachella veteran, we want to make sure you enjoy your festival experience without being made a dumbass: don’t be that guy (or girl) this year at Coachella. If you happen to be a dumbass this year, we really hope we catch it on camera for next year’s post.
Read and view the following Coachella tips and advice.
You and your frat-boy boyfriend are drunk, or better yet, altered on some hallucinogenic substance. Don’t try to be captain-save-a-dumbass when he gets caught by security for acting a fool.
It’s hot at Coachella, but a hairy and dirty crack is not. If you’re gonna grace us with your ass-crack, please show some courtesy to the festival-goers around you and wax that crack and scrub it good; unlike this gross dude.
Can Spirit Hoods just die already?
Don’t try to sneak into Coachella unless you have a jetpack strapped to your back. It’s nearly impossible at Coachella, so save yourself the walk-of-shame in front of your peers.
HYDRATE! HYDRATE! HYDRATE! Seriously guys, it’s 100+ degrees out there and you’re consuming copious amounts of alcohol. If you don’t drink plenty of water in between drinks, YOU WILL PASS OUT like an amateur. Pace yourselves; Coachella is a marathon, not a sprint.
Ladies, if you’re gonna go super-mini-skirt at Coachella, at least hide your tampon string.
Dirty hippies, enough said.
There are going to be PLENTY of beautiful men and women at Coachella baring next to nothing on their bodies. Don’t hate because you don’t look like them or don’t have the security to go practically naked. Leave the jealous scowls at home.
TEVAS = NO; TEVAS WITH SOCKS = ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR FUCKING MIND? Nerd alert!
In the end, just keep safe and have fun! We’ll see you on the polo field!
Check out more recent Coachella posts below!